Itchan, you did a great job! :)

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung paano ko ilalabas ang lahat ng lungkot sa puso ko kaya naisip kong maaaring sa pagsulat dito ay kahit paano'y mababawasan ang bigat na dinadala ko. 

"Life is so good. Enjoy every second of it! :)" posted October 2 at 3:58pm. 

--Ito ang huling status mo sa facebook at ito ang pakatatandaan naming lahat na nagmamahal sa'yo. Sabi mo nga, maganda ang buhay at pinatunayan mo 'yan sa pamamagitan ng pagpapasaya ng mga araw na kasama ka namin. 

ANG BIGAT. Minabuti ko na isulat ito sa wikang Filipino para mailabas ko ang lahat ng bigat na dinadala ko. Hindi ko alam na sa isang iglap, yung taong masiyahin at masigla ay biglang babawiin sa amin. Mahirap isipin pero kailangan tanggapin. Kailangan naming bumangon kahit hindi namin alam kung kakayanin namin.

Lahat kami ay nalulungkot. Alam naming ayaw mo na magkaganito kami kaya pipilitin naming maging matatag. Lagi mo ngang sinasabi, "Ang buhay ay hiram lamang." Ipinahiram ka samin ni Lord para iparamdam sa aming lahat kung paano maging masaya at kung paano maging matatag sa oras ng paghihirap.Higit dito, ipinahiram ka sa amin upang matuto kami na pahalagahan ang bawat segundong ibinigay sa amin upang mabuhay.

Alam naming naging mahirap para sa'yo na ngumiti sa kabila ng lahat ng sakit na pinagdaanan mo pero mas pinili mo pa ring gawin yun para hanggang sa huli, masasayang alaala ang maiiwan mo sa amin. Sa lahat ng ito, maraming maraming salamat. Ang mga ngiti at halakhak mo ay mananatiling nakatanim sa aming mga puso. Ito at ang katotohanang masaya ka na kasama ang Ama natin sa langit ang gagawin naming tuntungan para unti-unti ay makabangon kami.

Lider, yan ang tawag mo sa akin. Ikaw ang lagi kong katabi at kagrupo kapag ang basehan ay apelyido. Erestain-Estupin. Natatawa ako twing naaalala ko kung paano mo sabihing, "Saan tayo, lider?" at "Sunod tayo kay lider." Kahit sinasabihan mo akong hindi nagpapakopya, sobrang nalulungkot ako dahil wala nang magsasabi ulit nun sakin. Salamat sa pagiging mabuting classmate, groupmate, seatmate, kapatid at kaibigan. Mamimiss kita sampu ng iba mo pang mga kaibigan. Mahal ka namin. 

Mula kay lider, 

ITCHAN, YOU DID A GREAT JOB!

Uno ang grado mo sa buhay na ito.

See you later, but not too soon, okay? 

We will miss you and we truly love you!

         xoxo

Goodbye, AJ!

This is my first time to post something like this on my blog. I was just so affected whenever I hear things about dying at a young age. :(

I was shocked upon hearing the bad news yesterday that AJ Perez is already dead I don't know the whole story until today. He died because of a vehicular accident happened in Tarlac last Saturday, April 16 around11:45pm (according to my friend, Lileth). He was declared dead around 12:20 of April 17. It was so tragic, I don't like that kind of death.

A friend posted it on facebook and I felt how sweet AJ was. It was a letter for his future girlfriend:

Dear Future Girlfriend,

I’ve already come across many nice girls, all of them gorgeous in their own way, but like you, I am still searching. I don’t think it’ll be too hard, because I don’t really demand too much- after all, I am not looking for Ms. Perfect, I am looking for Ms. Right. Physically, you may be the simplest girl in the room, but there has to be that certain something about you that I find charming. It will be nice, of course, if you have positive attitude and an interesting personality. I hope that you can be understanding and supportive of the things I do and the things that are important to me. It will be great if you can make me laugh! There are no dull moments with someone that I know is funny. I want our relationship to be filled with excitement and surprises- I don’t want anything stagnant; I don’t want “just okay”. One of my weaknesses is the sweetness of a girl. If you can find a way to cheer me up after a long bad day, that would really make me feel good. I will also appreciate if you text me sweet stuff. I’d like to wake up to a good morning message from you, and go to bed at the end of the day after hearing you say goodnight. Another thing you should know: I believe that the best relationships always start from friendship. I want to be able to talk to you, be silly with you, and simply hang out with you. I want you to value the “friend” part of being my girlfriend. I also want us to share each other’s life, and I don’t want everything to be just about the two of us. I want our relationship to extend to other aspects of our lives, including our friends, family, and most of all GOD. A relationship will last only if we accept both the good and bad things about each other. Despite all the criteria I’ve mentioned above, I want to make it clear that I don’t want you to change a single thing about yourself just to please me. Losing your identity and turning into someone completely different is not necessary. Relax, I already like you, and I like you for who you truly are. I am looking forward to meeting you, and I know that one of these days, I will. I trust that we’ll find each other soon, and when that time comes, I know you’ll prove to me that you were definitely worth to wait.

I was affected not because AJ and I were close or because we know each other but because he died at a very young age. He's only 18 years old and there are more ahead of him. But as what I am always saying when someone died, death is our gate pass to heaven. And so all we can do is pray for his soul and be happy that he/she is now in heaven.

Whatever the reason of his death is, only God knows. We just have to accept it. May it also give us the lesson, the "old time lesson" as I may say, to live life to the fullest as long as we are here on earth. Let's make our life be lived with meaning and let our loved ones feel how we truly love them. In that way, when it is our time to leave, there will be no regrets for us and only good and meaningful memories for them.

On the lighter note, AJ's cornea will be donated to little blind singer, Fatima. This maybe is AJ's mission.

My condolences to AJ's family.

Goodbye, AJ! 

      xoxo

Farewell, Gerdie

It was last week, April 3, 2011, when a former classmate of mine, Gerdie, died. We went to his wake last Friday and there, we've found out how he suffered before he died. :(

According to her sister who told us the whole story, he first suffered stomach ache so they decided to bring him to the hospital (Quezon City Medical Center). There, the doctor have him had the ultrasound and as they got the result, they said that he has gall stones. The family didn't worry because they said that it can be cured through medicines. But the pain is still there and so he had undergone endoscopy. The procedure made him suffer more and he cannot eat nor drink. That worsen the situation because he has to take medicines but he cannot eat. He also underwent a lot of x-rays and ultrasounds but the doctors said nothing about his situation. His body parts were swollen. The saddest part of the story was when he told his mother that he wants to die because he doesn't want to suffer and despite his swollen arms, he hugged his family, thanked them and told them he loved them he love them. After that, he became out of his mind. He doesn't know who his family was and he hurts himself (maybe because of that thought that he really doesn't want to live) and slowly, he died.

Death is not sad but I can't help but b sad with this kind of death. I want to blame the doctors for saying nothing to Gerdie's condition. They had his body be exposed to radiation and do nothing as he was almost dying. And after all the suffering, it was only "peptic ulcer" that was indicated as the cause of his death (according to his death certificate). How cruel, right? As we asked his sister if there was a medical abstract that was given to them, she said that the doctor doesn't want to give them any because according to that doctor, it was not that important as long as they have the death certificate. Upon hearing that, we really thought that there was a foul play that happened. Any doctor will give the medical abstract as soon as the family requested for it. They have all the right to know what really happened to their family members.

It was sad to know that the family just have to be quiet and calm  despite of all the things that happened because they were all tired and just want to bring Gerdie to his last destination (which happened last April  12) on earth peacefully. What's sadder is that, Gerdie's brother just died last December 2010. The family has not yet recovered but they have to face another death of a family member with all strength. My prayers are all with them. 

To QCMC and the doctors who attended Gerdie, I don't know what really happened and I don't have the right to blame you but if you're the one responsible for his death, only God knows. He will give you the punishment that you deserve. I hope that case like this will not happen again because of your negligence. Life is a gift from God and you, doctors, must be responsible enough to take care of those lives. If you can't, better resign and have another profession that will suit you!

To Gerdie's family, again, my prayers are always with you. Be strong. Death is people's gateway to heaven. Maybe Gerdie suffered here but in heaven, there will be no suffering. Let us all be glad that he will now have a life with God where there is no suffering, only happiness. I know it is not easy  because you love him a lot but his death is not just "death." There's a reason why it happened. We may not know it for now but surely, we will discover it as we go on with our lives. God is always there, He will always guide us. And Gerdie will guide you, too.

To Gerdie, I don't know if there is a chance for you to read this blog post but if so, let me say thank you for those sweet smiles and laughter that we, your friends, will remember until the end of our lives. May you rest in peace. Now that you are with our Lord, please do guide your family, they need all the strength to face life without you. I am happy that though you have suffered on earth, you are now living in a place where there is peace. We may not be so close but your memories will stay in my heart, in our hearts.

Farewell, Gerdie!

'til we meet again! (but not to soon, okay?)

       xoxo 

P.S.

And when I die, let my coffin be white or light blue. Let me wear a light blue dress and simple make-up. I want to have my photos in a gallery and an AVP of my memories that is continuously playing next to my coffin. I also want a continuous playing of songs and some singing sessions from my friends and loved ones on my wake. I want everyone to treat me as if I am just sleeping. I don't want to be cremated..And as you send me on my tomb, I want everyone to wear blue also. I want a simple program where people who wants to say goodbye to me express their feelings through words and for those who want to keep their message between the two of us, let there be blue balloons with brief notes from them fly in the sky to send their message for me. I know I can't stop you from crying but I want everyone to be happy for me for I will be with our Father where I will live eternally, happily and peacefully. :)

Whoever has the chance to read this, please take note of this and let my family know about this if I'll die. Of course, I don't want it to be soon but if it's God's will, I must obey. xoxo

Tears shed as we said goodbye

February 12 was Razelle's last day with us. Friends, relatives and other people who wants to be part of her last day on earth gathered. I saw the sadness in everybody's eyes as we went to the church for a mass. Almost everyone cried as the priest said that we can look at her for the last time on her last day. Tears fell. Sadness filled the church. Though the priest told in his homily that we all must be happy now that Razelle will be with God and all the suffering will never be felt by her, still, the thought of losing her is the thing that makes it hard for her family to let go.

Razelle's very dear to us, her friends, and it's really heartbreaking. What more does her family feels? I know the feeling of losing a family member that's why I understand how sad they were. But we can do nothing. We have to let her rest in peace, let go and let God take her in His arms.

And so, we sent her to her body's last destination, to the place where her body will stay. Things flashed back as we watched her tomb being arranged for her. Again, we shed tears but this time, it's more of tears that said "go and rest" than "i wish you're still with us." We have to let her be free and go without hesitation. Even if it's sad. Even if we know that she'll be gone forever.

I don't know what will be the next step her family will do after this day but one thing is for sure, her smiles will all be missed. Losing someone, especially a loved one, is really hard. It's not like break-up where you have the chance to see each other again or be with each other's arms again if you both realized that you still love one another. With death, it's more painful and I can't explain how hard it is to move forward again. And what's more sad is that, there is no single chance that you will see each other again (or maybe, if life after death is true, then that is the only time you could meet again).

What happened to Razelle gave me a lot of realizations in life. It taught me that life can be gone in just a blink of an eye. So before it happens, let's make sure that we've done things that we want to. Cherish every single second and gave meaning to it. Let's make our life a meaningful one. Love those people around us. Let's be free and give our best in everything that we do. Let's always say to ourselves that "Life is too short." Touch other people's lives and most of all, BE HAPPY.

Razelle, we will miss you, that's for sure. Goodbye for now. Go and rest in peace. Now that you're with God, may you guide us, especially your family. We love you!

      xoxo

 

P.S.

And when I die, let my coffin be white or light blue. Let me wear a light blue dress and simple make-up. I want to have my photos in a gallery and an AVP of my memories that is continuously playing next to my coffin. I also want a continuous playing of songs and some singing sessions from my friends and loved ones on my wake. I want everyone to treat me as if I am just sleeping. I don't want to be cremated..And as you send me on my tomb, I want everyone to wear blue also. I want a simple program where people who wants to say goodbye to me express their feelings through words and for those who want to keep their message between the two of us, let there be blue balloons with brief notes from them fly in the sky to send their message for me. I know I can't stop you from crying but I want everyone to be happy for me for I will be with our Father where I will live eternally, happily and peacefully. :)

Whoever has the chance to read this, please take note of this and let my family know about this if I'll die. Of course, I don't want it to be soon but if it's God's will, I must obey. xoxo